♥ I wish...

Honestly, this blog serve as a platform for me to vent my anger and frustration. If it wasn't because of the insomnia, infinite boredom and hopeless miseries, I wouldn't be that motivated to blog at this time. (So you readers please don't expect to see any pictures here.) My life is at its worst condition. Never have I felt like this before. It's like my life is not mine anymore, I had to tell myself to be contended and love it as long as I can still dream and believe there's hope...

That was then and this is now. I stopped THIS and I stopped THAT...

Everything I love doing in the past remained stagnant since I decided to further my studies...

I gave up my career and passion just to get a f**king damn cert and pleased my parents, showing them I could survive in the reality by promising a bright and guaranteed future with that bloody degree.

omgwthfml...

I always imagine the life I might be living if I have not chosen to be where I'm now. I used to be the one who take the lead, now I felt like I'm one step slower than my peers, always wasting time pondering what to do next. How I wish I could forget the heaps of shit and just have fun like any other girls out there!

Seriously, I don't even club now. I mean my existence in club was like almost zero! I hide my traces as good as possible and conceal my feelings, nobody knows what I'm thinking and what is my ability. All they can see is a geek in me. If it's not for tutorials, I wouldn't have stepped my feet outside the house. My daily life is so dull and simple it only comprises of eat, sleep, study, movies, blog and FB. Get my point now?

Life is always filled with ambiguity. I get my freedom when I'm away from home but I'll have to be on my own in every aspect of life, and it seems like troubles are never tired and sick of me. But as soon as I have my holidays, I need to be home. Deplorably, I can't hide from them. Sometimes it's good to be back but I can't breathe if they start turning me into a marionette.

When will I have my luck back?I'm like a lost soul...

♥

and it continues...

The last time I got my cortisone injection was somewhere around end of August or early September. The pain strikes again. Seriously I need to know how much time I still have in my life. No one can understand and feel what I've endured for the past 20 years. This is getting worse and shittier. My condition is miserably more unpleasant than a gymnast! I always ask myself what bad things could happen next?It wouldn't have been possibly nastier than what I'm going through now or would it be?

Sometimes I think that it's pointless to keep it going. It's like having a Q&A session with myself recently. Is this really what I want? Why am I doing this? Where is the old me?Did I made a wrong choice? How to fix it? Literally, lots of issues are happening, and THAT contributes to my health deterioration and mental agitation. It exasperates me! Maybe I should just let go and give up. I just can't take it anymore. I'm not a pampered teen, I never rely on my parents, not even a single cent and it's all because I've grown up. Most of the people who know me take me as a filthy rich girl but the reality check: NOPE!!! My parents might be rich but they're not me. Moreover,they never liked UTAR,they still think public varsity is the best. So yea, I can't even tell them I'm unhappy with my campus life.

All the problems and troubles are the stressors and it ultimately became the offspring of my chronic back pain, not to mentioned the migraine and anemia! Well, my parents know about it as I do occasionally tell them when I can't stand the pain anymore. But they're clueless what caused it and how bad it really is. I need to be super careful with my words cause I don't want any of them to worried or get a heart-attack because of me. I love them.

Sometimes I really wish to have superpowers so I can be what I want to be and make dreams come true ♥

*pain alert* ...to be cont...

♥Quickie

Watched three movies and some other dramas till now.Wasted hours of time to upload nearly 100 of pictures in FB,gotta need some movies to kill time. Thought of taking a short walk in the park early in the morning since I can't sleep,well yea my insomnia strikes again! But I end up blogging because it rains heavily.

Just a short post anyway to free myself out of boredom. I've got lotsa stories to share but not now coz I know it'll be a long-winding one plus I'm actually having migraine and had sprained my waist,my backbone hurts as well. No worries guys,it recurs all the time,all I need is a cortisone. By the way,I'll add a tagboard to my blog soon so you guys can left me message there.

to be continue...

♥satisfaction

Finally I finished my individual part of the group assignment by sacrificing 5 hours of sleep. There's still some editing stuff to follow up later after I received the full pieces from my group mates. So gonna catch some sleep soon after I had my lunch, perhaps a basketball session at night with the house mates, seriously it would be a tiring but fruitful day. I need to forget the ape shits in my life and chill for some moment. I need a break.

Anyway, I've been redesigning my blog shop, it will re-open by Feb 2010 the latest! So you peeps out there, do stick with us for more updates, be sure to be the first to check out our new items and latest news!

HAUS OF MODE

CominG to you SooN

Tribute to James

I just can't sleep, many things are running in my mind now.Perhaps most of the Utarians are feeling the same as me, hell yea we've just lost three students in UTAR and one of them is my friend. All we can do now is to pray and mourn for them. James Khor, I supposed that name is familiar to many of my other friends, though he's not a close friend of mine, it's still a sad news for me and others as he left us all behind just like that. I received the news quite earlier, it's around 10pm I think and my ex-roommate told us about it. Honestly, I was taken aback by that piece of information. We even called one of his close friend to identified the news. The sky rains non-stop since then as if the almighty god is weeping with us too. My hands are still trembling, the incident recalled back my childhood memories, bad one unfortunately. Same thing happened to me decades ago and I'm lucky to be saved by the villager on time back then and still alive now blogging about the tragic dead of my friend. That explains why I'm hesitate to swim and petrified of the water.

Life is short and precious, you never know what will happened next, do appreciate and cherish everything in your life and especially the people you loved and care about. I can imagine if that person happens to be someone much closer to me, I'd definitely suffering from an emotional breakdown now. I was browsing his blog an hour ago, I used to like what he wrote and expressed in his blog when he's still alive. To my dismay, I saw lots of people degrading him by spamming his chatbox with vulgar words and one even pretend to be him. Inevitably, a popular guy like him will absolutely attract a lot of jealousy from the haters. But everything have a limit and that's over the top. He's already gone and why not let him rest in peace? Whether or not he offended you in the past, let it be, sometimes people need to learn how to forget and forgive. Instead of criticizing him don't you have a better and more important stuff to do? Those haters are plain ruthless and ill-mannered, I wonder how their parents educated their kids, shame on them!

Nevertheless, James will always be in our remembrance, my deepest condolences to the victims' families and friends, may their soul be guided by angel and rest in peace. Hope they'll have a better life over the other world.

PS: Just found out that the sole survivor is chin yeap.

Isaiah 25:8
He will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign LORD will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove the disgrace of his people from all the earth. The LORD has spoken.

arigato

Hey guys, sorry for the hiatus...it seems like I've abandoned my blog but seriously I've been quite busy lately as the mid-term is just around the corner, and assignment waiting to be completed. It's been two weeks since the new semester commenced, there's just a lot of things need to be settle, let's wait till November ends...as I've promised to you guys, that BIG plan of mine gonna reveal in December, so stay tuned!