♥

We had a minor argument today. The reasons? Ex.

Hmm. It's alright.

Maybe that's part of the reasons why I'm refraining myself from logging in to Facebook so often!

I'm trying to let go. I'm trying to forget the past.

But I still wanna be his best friend. I still hunger for his attention. That's bad huh?

It's frustrating to have such an odd feeling towards him.

He's driving me nuts like, seriously!

My heart broke into a smaller pieces whenever he sweet talks other female, bear in mind it may or may not be his colleagues.

( Okay, in case some of you might misinterpret what I'm trying to convey here, I'm so not talking about J! )

We haven't been talking to each other for quite some time now. It's damn miserable cause mom always ask me about his news and stuff like that. awe...

What am I supposed to do? I couldn't differentiate the boundary no more. Am I just jealous? Infatuated? Or I still care and fancy over him?

I think the best way is to ignore him huh? And let him forget me gradually...That's actually what I'm most petrified of. Being forgotten by someone you loved so much before.

The distance, the age gap, the family background, the career...basically almost everything is tearing us apart.

He'll be married anytime because of his age. Let's hope that this day will never happened! I don't feel like disappointing my family yet I'm pretty sure we hardly stand a chance to be together again!

Someone would be real pissed of me, I couldn't help but felt terribly sorry for it. My apologies. But it's better to talk things over rather than hiding or concealing it. At least you know how I feel at the moment. It doesn't mean I don't love you, it's just that I still have another room reserved for him in my heart all this while. And I've just came to realized that.

What I needed the most now is your calming words. Let me know I'll always have your full and caring support. ♥

♥ wish list

Since X'mas is just two months away,

I'm now compiling a list of gifts I'd love to receive,lol.

This thread is especially meant for those who owe me stuffs. ♥

- a better camera

( preferably sony with 10 megapix )

- an IPOD shuffle... ^^

- trip to overseas

- HUGE party @ zouk

( hey,I'm a member! Haven been thr for long~ duh )

- a brand new wardrobe

That's that for now,

might be adding some extras if I think of something else!

So happy saving and shopping for pressies!

And discuss among your own-self ,haa...

♥ G

♥ msn

Was chatting with a fren last night over the msn...Below was a censored part of one of the topics we crapped about...Found it quite hilarious thou~ Just for fun, anyway.

xy: dearr, any ideas how to be famous arr?

me: hmm, be a contract artiste lo...

xy:harr,dun wan lar, no freedom arr!

me:then go enter singing contest or go for modellin...

xy:aiyar, u aso kw i cant sing geh lar, sumore whr got the criteria to be a model orh?

me:sing like william hung la, sure famous one...or shoot some controversial picha,lol...

xy:weyy,so bad arr u!wan me to get malu arr?

me: if not how to be famous? u must be dare to show off la...

xy: sure gt sum easy way geh, u so smart pls think for me lar!

me: sure got geh, find a rich husband and be a rich 'tai tai' lo. can buy tis and tat, sure many fren envy u and start flatterin...

xy: aiyor, dat one nid to 'invest' and time to nurture geh lar! Got instant one mou?

me: instant way to be famous ah? let me think first...

xy: zzz......

me:u sure u got the gut to do this ah?

xy: 100% sure boleh lar! faster tel me......

me: go take some pills, cut your wrist ( ensure it's deep enough) and jump off a tall building ( must be super high punya ah)...and tmr u wil b the main cover of all newspapers,kakaka ^^

xy:wtf,ask me to suicide arr? wut kind of idea is dis orh?

me: u said u want instant famous ma...

xy:no nid to die aso gar!

me: no pain no gain la babe...

xy: then i dun wan ler )=

me: rofl...

There's no free lunch in the world without paying for it. If you want something badly, work hard for it! xoxo...

♥revolution.crossroad

Somehow I'm lost.

In the middle of the crossroad.

When will I find my way back home again?

I hate a part of me. That evil me.

It's the jealousy.

I've been comparing my life to others.

And running in a race but myself.

Trying my best to outshine them.

Like always.

Until I almost lost the true-self.

It's time for revolution.

♥

I've been static in almost everything--FB, webdesign, music composition, msn, on9 biz and what not? My mind was filled with what to blog just now but everything vanished in another second. It's quirky and obnoxious to have this kinda feelings so often recently, I never liked it. Apart from that, life's been lifeless ever since I entered a new chapter of my life. I found less and less of me in me and I abhor my new self.

Someone pls guide me?

♥

All the best to my little brother.

Score well in your PMR and make us proud!

♥

Just penned some comments at my friend's blog. Reading her post made me recalled back the bad and dark memories I had before. I can still feel the pain. It's not easy to let go and move on because they're the closest to us. I had struggled for some time and luckily I chose to forget and forgive. Because I realize there's no point holding on to the grudges or wrath, I have a life to live through. Maybe he treats you like dirt, that's what you think. I tried to think from their perspective sometimes, why they shout at me like that, why are they always so harsh to me?Yea, I deserve a better acknowledgement and respect. So I used to talk back too and being so mischievous and rebellious , causing them a string of heartaches. But what do you get in return after the so-called tantrum scenarios? Will you feel happier? You hurt your loved ones too, just like the way they did to you. When I looked back what I did, I saw a repetition of mistakes. Perhaps they tried to disprove me, but it doesn't matter cause I know I'll never disappoint myself. Maybe I failed to live up to their expectations but I know I've did my best and this is enough. I'll change their mindset if they can't change their attitude. Time will prove and prevail everything. They might not be proud of me but I'll always be proud to be their daughter. I give thanks somehow. Even though he still scold me out of nothing nowadays and blame me for being irresponsible on the things I'm not related to, I pretend that I don't care. Though I will weep inside my blanket in the middle of the night, I feel it's alright. There's no point adding sorrows to their lives,they're old and I don't wanna feel sorry or regret if anything bad happens. And I'm not trying to be angelic or pretend to be filial. I meant what I said. They have their equal right to voice out their opinion too, though it may be a little vulgar and wrong in the perception, just let it be, take it as a random rant, pretend that they're mumbling, grumbling or babbling,whatever that makes you feel better. We, the younger generation are pretty good at that, aren't we? Just practice that skill,it does helps. Cherish the bond you have with them...it's hard but you'll find miracles in it sooner or later. At least it works on me.

Best of Lucks.

♥G

♥

Would it be beautiful or just a beautiful disaster?

♥miley ain't a skank

I wonder why so many people just can't stop bitching about miley. Neither am I a great fan of her nor I'm a hater. I'm just trying to express my notions here. I do like her songs anyway. And I don't see anything wrong with her newest MV. She's not trying to be mature, she's trying to grow up. Who doesn't grow up here? We can't be a kid forever. I've seen many girls of her age dressed in a more sluttish way, but that doesn't make them a whore though, or does it? Moreover, she's not the one who choreographed all the steps for the MV and suggest to move her hips like that. Don't put the blame on a 16 year-old! She's a celebrity and although she's a teenager, she's aware of what she's doing. She had chosen this path but that doesn't mean she can't live like a normal teenage girl. Would you guys ever care if she's not famous? Who are you to comment about her deeds?Seriously if you can't think, go and bang yourself. Give her a break you people and leave her alone! Don't simply judge people because you're not living their life. Go on attack somebody else if you're that free, terrorists might love getting your attention! I supposed lame people never reflected themselves in front of the mirror before starting to bitch about others, that's aggrieving!!!

p/s : miley girl, just do as you like cause many people who are hating you have done it as well.

♥G

♥friends

Define f.r.i.e.n.d.s.

Not everyone worth your trust, dear...

Don't live in denial~

♥

Loathe to wake up early in the morning to have dim sum with family and relatives. I knew I'd get a long lecture from parents if I'm late. So I ring my couz to wait for me. Since she's the organizer, no one will blame her,haa. I'm safe for another day ^^

I didn't really took much notice to their talking, not that I'm the bride wannabe anyway. Neither will I ever understand why the elders can spend hours discussing the issue of marriage. It seems like they got much excited over my couz. All I know is the shark fin soup taste heavenly great.sheesh~

Around noon, couz and her fiance drove me to JJ and meet him. So the four of us had lunch together. We went there mainly because the couple wanna shop for something nice and cheap to decorate their newly furnished house. But what they bought was just merely kitchenware...now I realize those pans and pots and plates can use for decoration purpose,hmm...such a wonder! Seriously, Ipoh is a superly dull place. It's more or less like a dead town. Me and him scrolled shops to shops, even went to MNG and Vincci, no hope still!

Reached home around 4 something. Went on9 for awhile and have a great chat with my dear in MSN. Not long after that, mom nagged me to shower and get dressed up because there's a dinner date with Uncle Dave's family. I was forced to eat a lot by parents, I blame this on the relatives cause they said I'm too skinny. Total bullshit but thanks to them, now I get to eat really nice foods, dad thought I'm malnutrition though, and make me take enough fruits everyday. Sigh! Will upload those food pichas during spare time, I'm a tad sleepy now. Nitez everyone.

♥

Gee, I had a rough time today...Will be tutoring my brother for a week due to PMR *tiresome*

We had maths today. He asked for my answer for every single questions inside the past years' worksheets without trying to solve the calculations by himself first! WTF~ Not gonna spoon-fed him, haa...I showed him how to do it step by step and asked him to calculate another similar question on his own. To my dismay, he can't even express one simple equation and he told me the maths teacher never taught them trigonometry...*speechless* I was so pissed and when I turned to him I sprained my neck accidentally! Ahh~ seems like it's impossible for him to score A for maths *sigh*

Ariel came by today to help mom, ryn and me for a hair treatment and spa therapy. Felt much better after that short session. I spent some time editing my picha during the afternoon and search for images of the dress I want thru the net so my dear can take it as reference *lol*

I'm so uber broke nowadays, and being negligent is what I'm lately. Not feeling very productive maybe because I enjoy slacking around. Went to sleep straightaway after my dinner cause it's my brother's turn to surf the net. Received 3 calls and several messages during my beauty nap.

Among the calls was this journalist from one local magazine...I'm still considering whether or not to accept their interview. Gosh, I wish I've got more time.

Anyway, just a quickie, I might be going to Penang with couz for a one-day "makan" trip,haa...yet to confirmed but yea, we'll see.

* Home-sweet-home*

Finally back to hometown...

Fall sick right after finished my exams and urged by parents to go home immediately to celebrate birthday as well as moonfest...

Was indeed a bad news I can't have a short trip to KL *sobs*

I do have alot of stuffs to blog about but my brain cells are not functioning well.

Dunno why I tend to think better when I'm lying on the bed with lights switched off.The moment I wanna jot it down in my notebook or start the pc,everything's just completely gone...How I hate my brain! Gonna change the template soon,so stay tuned for more updates =)

Just gimme a half-day's time and it will be done.