♥random

Tis the season to be jolly...tralalalalalalalala...

Yes, Christmas is coming and I'm counting down to it, I'm not a kid but I still believe in Santa.

Oh, I heart December, all I wish for Christmas is a better year ahead, no more miseries no more frustrations and no more ape shits...well, hopefully!

I was browsing friends' blog like usual this morning and there's this girl that came across me and her attitude pissed me off. So the story goes like this...

She changed her blog template and claimed to be her own design. WTF!!! She credited the real designer though BUT put her own blog URL as the link on the name. Which means she claimed herself to be DancingSheep, the original designer!

Holy shit, DancingSheep happened to be my friend, She's a Singaporean and have been designing blog skin for years! And that retard steal my friend's artwork and made it as her own...RIPPER so she is!!! Such a spoilt BITCH!

Forget about her. I've got so much things to do. Yeaa and the line sucks like seriously double the suck! The connection is actually alright but I just dunno why it run so slow. I can only open one tab...ONLY ONE Jesus! I can't play games I can't tweet I can't open my portal I can't chat with friends I can't view my FB I can't watch movies I can't order stocks...I just can't do anything except BLOG...

GOD, PLEASE SAVE THE WORLD AND MAKE IT RIGHT + FAIR ...

♥

一直都睡不好，好怕一旦闭上眼睛之后又被噩梦惊醒...

最近都常常哭着入眠哭着醒来，老天爷是否觉得我还不够可怜呢？

昨夜你说的每一句在我脑海里依然历历在目

说真的，我觉得那很伤人心

我知道你在想什么，也许你觉得我会和你在一起是因为你会为我赴汤蹈火

你错了

若我是这种人，我要挑也选个比你的能力好几倍的

不晓得你为何还不懂我的心

当你为我做了某样事,我开心的说我爱你难道错了吗？

或许你觉得有点不真实

你清楚我不轻易把那三个字挂在嘴边

可惜你只对了一半

不要在我还没放弃时你却放弃了

如果我不爱你我不会留到现在

要离开你真的很难

我不走并不全因为害怕回去会怎样

而是我舍不得，我早已决定要坚持到底

但愿你也会和我一样，陪我作战

要问你愿不愿意的人是我

请你不要再质疑我的真心了

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希望你看了之后亲口和我说你的答案

别让我觉得你漠不关心不闻不问

至少让我明白我写了的并不完全白费心机

♥ I wish...

Honestly, this blog serve as a platform for me to vent my anger and frustration. If it wasn't because of the insomnia, infinite boredom and hopeless miseries, I wouldn't be that motivated to blog at this time. (So you readers please don't expect to see any pictures here.) My life is at its worst condition. Never have I felt like this before. It's like my life is not mine anymore, I had to tell myself to be contended and love it as long as I can still dream and believe there's hope...

That was then and this is now. I stopped THIS and I stopped THAT...

Everything I love doing in the past remained stagnant since I decided to further my studies...

I gave up my career and passion just to get a f**king damn cert and pleased my parents, showing them I could survive in the reality by promising a bright and guaranteed future with that bloody degree.

omgwthfml...

I always imagine the life I might be living if I have not chosen to be where I'm now. I used to be the one who take the lead, now I felt like I'm one step slower than my peers, always wasting time pondering what to do next. How I wish I could forget the heaps of shit and just have fun like any other girls out there!

Seriously, I don't even club now. I mean my existence in club was like almost zero! I hide my traces as good as possible and conceal my feelings, nobody knows what I'm thinking and what is my ability. All they can see is a geek in me. If it's not for tutorials, I wouldn't have stepped my feet outside the house. My daily life is so dull and simple it only comprises of eat, sleep, study, movies, blog and FB. Get my point now?

Life is always filled with ambiguity. I get my freedom when I'm away from home but I'll have to be on my own in every aspect of life, and it seems like troubles are never tired and sick of me. But as soon as I have my holidays, I need to be home. Deplorably, I can't hide from them. Sometimes it's good to be back but I can't breathe if they start turning me into a marionette.

When will I have my luck back?I'm like a lost soul...

♥

and it continues...

The last time I got my cortisone injection was somewhere around end of August or early September. The pain strikes again. Seriously I need to know how much time I still have in my life. No one can understand and feel what I've endured for the past 20 years. This is getting worse and shittier. My condition is miserably more unpleasant than a gymnast! I always ask myself what bad things could happen next?It wouldn't have been possibly nastier than what I'm going through now or would it be?

Sometimes I think that it's pointless to keep it going. It's like having a Q&A session with myself recently. Is this really what I want? Why am I doing this? Where is the old me?Did I made a wrong choice? How to fix it? Literally, lots of issues are happening, and THAT contributes to my health deterioration and mental agitation. It exasperates me! Maybe I should just let go and give up. I just can't take it anymore. I'm not a pampered teen, I never rely on my parents, not even a single cent and it's all because I've grown up. Most of the people who know me take me as a filthy rich girl but the reality check: NOPE!!! My parents might be rich but they're not me. Moreover,they never liked UTAR,they still think public varsity is the best. So yea, I can't even tell them I'm unhappy with my campus life.

All the problems and troubles are the stressors and it ultimately became the offspring of my chronic back pain, not to mentioned the migraine and anemia! Well, my parents know about it as I do occasionally tell them when I can't stand the pain anymore. But they're clueless what caused it and how bad it really is. I need to be super careful with my words cause I don't want any of them to worried or get a heart-attack because of me. I love them.

Sometimes I really wish to have superpowers so I can be what I want to be and make dreams come true ♥

*pain alert* ...to be cont...

♥Quickie

Watched three movies and some other dramas till now.Wasted hours of time to upload nearly 100 of pictures in FB,gotta need some movies to kill time. Thought of taking a short walk in the park early in the morning since I can't sleep,well yea my insomnia strikes again! But I end up blogging because it rains heavily.

Just a short post anyway to free myself out of boredom. I've got lotsa stories to share but not now coz I know it'll be a long-winding one plus I'm actually having migraine and had sprained my waist,my backbone hurts as well. No worries guys,it recurs all the time,all I need is a cortisone. By the way,I'll add a tagboard to my blog soon so you guys can left me message there.

to be continue...

♥satisfaction

Finally I finished my individual part of the group assignment by sacrificing 5 hours of sleep. There's still some editing stuff to follow up later after I received the full pieces from my group mates. So gonna catch some sleep soon after I had my lunch, perhaps a basketball session at night with the house mates, seriously it would be a tiring but fruitful day. I need to forget the ape shits in my life and chill for some moment. I need a break.

Anyway, I've been redesigning my blog shop, it will re-open by Feb 2010 the latest! So you peeps out there, do stick with us for more updates, be sure to be the first to check out our new items and latest news!

HAUS OF MODE

CominG to you SooN

Tribute to James

I just can't sleep, many things are running in my mind now.Perhaps most of the Utarians are feeling the same as me, hell yea we've just lost three students in UTAR and one of them is my friend. All we can do now is to pray and mourn for them. James Khor, I supposed that name is familiar to many of my other friends, though he's not a close friend of mine, it's still a sad news for me and others as he left us all behind just like that. I received the news quite earlier, it's around 10pm I think and my ex-roommate told us about it. Honestly, I was taken aback by that piece of information. We even called one of his close friend to identified the news. The sky rains non-stop since then as if the almighty god is weeping with us too. My hands are still trembling, the incident recalled back my childhood memories, bad one unfortunately. Same thing happened to me decades ago and I'm lucky to be saved by the villager on time back then and still alive now blogging about the tragic dead of my friend. That explains why I'm hesitate to swim and petrified of the water.

Life is short and precious, you never know what will happened next, do appreciate and cherish everything in your life and especially the people you loved and care about. I can imagine if that person happens to be someone much closer to me, I'd definitely suffering from an emotional breakdown now. I was browsing his blog an hour ago, I used to like what he wrote and expressed in his blog when he's still alive. To my dismay, I saw lots of people degrading him by spamming his chatbox with vulgar words and one even pretend to be him. Inevitably, a popular guy like him will absolutely attract a lot of jealousy from the haters. But everything have a limit and that's over the top. He's already gone and why not let him rest in peace? Whether or not he offended you in the past, let it be, sometimes people need to learn how to forget and forgive. Instead of criticizing him don't you have a better and more important stuff to do? Those haters are plain ruthless and ill-mannered, I wonder how their parents educated their kids, shame on them!

Nevertheless, James will always be in our remembrance, my deepest condolences to the victims' families and friends, may their soul be guided by angel and rest in peace. Hope they'll have a better life over the other world.

PS: Just found out that the sole survivor is chin yeap.

Isaiah 25:8
He will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign LORD will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove the disgrace of his people from all the earth. The LORD has spoken.

arigato

Hey guys, sorry for the hiatus...it seems like I've abandoned my blog but seriously I've been quite busy lately as the mid-term is just around the corner, and assignment waiting to be completed. It's been two weeks since the new semester commenced, there's just a lot of things need to be settle, let's wait till November ends...as I've promised to you guys, that BIG plan of mine gonna reveal in December, so stay tuned!

♥

We had a minor argument today. The reasons? Ex.

Hmm. It's alright.

Maybe that's part of the reasons why I'm refraining myself from logging in to Facebook so often!

I'm trying to let go. I'm trying to forget the past.

But I still wanna be his best friend. I still hunger for his attention. That's bad huh?

It's frustrating to have such an odd feeling towards him.

He's driving me nuts like, seriously!

My heart broke into a smaller pieces whenever he sweet talks other female, bear in mind it may or may not be his colleagues.

( Okay, in case some of you might misinterpret what I'm trying to convey here, I'm so not talking about J! )

We haven't been talking to each other for quite some time now. It's damn miserable cause mom always ask me about his news and stuff like that. awe...

What am I supposed to do? I couldn't differentiate the boundary no more. Am I just jealous? Infatuated? Or I still care and fancy over him?

I think the best way is to ignore him huh? And let him forget me gradually...That's actually what I'm most petrified of. Being forgotten by someone you loved so much before.

The distance, the age gap, the family background, the career...basically almost everything is tearing us apart.

He'll be married anytime because of his age. Let's hope that this day will never happened! I don't feel like disappointing my family yet I'm pretty sure we hardly stand a chance to be together again!

Someone would be real pissed of me, I couldn't help but felt terribly sorry for it. My apologies. But it's better to talk things over rather than hiding or concealing it. At least you know how I feel at the moment. It doesn't mean I don't love you, it's just that I still have another room reserved for him in my heart all this while. And I've just came to realized that.

What I needed the most now is your calming words. Let me know I'll always have your full and caring support. ♥

♥ wish list

Since X'mas is just two months away,

I'm now compiling a list of gifts I'd love to receive,lol.

This thread is especially meant for those who owe me stuffs. ♥

- a better camera

( preferably sony with 10 megapix )

- an IPOD shuffle... ^^

- trip to overseas

- HUGE party @ zouk

( hey,I'm a member! Haven been thr for long~ duh )

- a brand new wardrobe

That's that for now,

might be adding some extras if I think of something else!

So happy saving and shopping for pressies!

And discuss among your own-self ,haa...

♥ G

♥ msn

Was chatting with a fren last night over the msn...Below was a censored part of one of the topics we crapped about...Found it quite hilarious thou~ Just for fun, anyway.

xy: dearr, any ideas how to be famous arr?

me: hmm, be a contract artiste lo...

xy:harr,dun wan lar, no freedom arr!

me:then go enter singing contest or go for modellin...

xy:aiyar, u aso kw i cant sing geh lar, sumore whr got the criteria to be a model orh?

me:sing like william hung la, sure famous one...or shoot some controversial picha,lol...

xy:weyy,so bad arr u!wan me to get malu arr?

me: if not how to be famous? u must be dare to show off la...

xy: sure gt sum easy way geh, u so smart pls think for me lar!

me: sure got geh, find a rich husband and be a rich 'tai tai' lo. can buy tis and tat, sure many fren envy u and start flatterin...

xy: aiyor, dat one nid to 'invest' and time to nurture geh lar! Got instant one mou?

me: instant way to be famous ah? let me think first...

xy: zzz......

me:u sure u got the gut to do this ah?

xy: 100% sure boleh lar! faster tel me......

me: go take some pills, cut your wrist ( ensure it's deep enough) and jump off a tall building ( must be super high punya ah)...and tmr u wil b the main cover of all newspapers,kakaka ^^

xy:wtf,ask me to suicide arr? wut kind of idea is dis orh?

me: u said u want instant famous ma...

xy:no nid to die aso gar!

me: no pain no gain la babe...

xy: then i dun wan ler )=

me: rofl...

There's no free lunch in the world without paying for it. If you want something badly, work hard for it! xoxo...

♥revolution.crossroad

Somehow I'm lost.

In the middle of the crossroad.

When will I find my way back home again?

I hate a part of me. That evil me.

It's the jealousy.

I've been comparing my life to others.

And running in a race but myself.

Trying my best to outshine them.

Like always.

Until I almost lost the true-self.

It's time for revolution.

♥

I've been static in almost everything--FB, webdesign, music composition, msn, on9 biz and what not? My mind was filled with what to blog just now but everything vanished in another second. It's quirky and obnoxious to have this kinda feelings so often recently, I never liked it. Apart from that, life's been lifeless ever since I entered a new chapter of my life. I found less and less of me in me and I abhor my new self.

Someone pls guide me?

♥

All the best to my little brother.

Score well in your PMR and make us proud!

♥

Just penned some comments at my friend's blog. Reading her post made me recalled back the bad and dark memories I had before. I can still feel the pain. It's not easy to let go and move on because they're the closest to us. I had struggled for some time and luckily I chose to forget and forgive. Because I realize there's no point holding on to the grudges or wrath, I have a life to live through. Maybe he treats you like dirt, that's what you think. I tried to think from their perspective sometimes, why they shout at me like that, why are they always so harsh to me?Yea, I deserve a better acknowledgement and respect. So I used to talk back too and being so mischievous and rebellious , causing them a string of heartaches. But what do you get in return after the so-called tantrum scenarios? Will you feel happier? You hurt your loved ones too, just like the way they did to you. When I looked back what I did, I saw a repetition of mistakes. Perhaps they tried to disprove me, but it doesn't matter cause I know I'll never disappoint myself. Maybe I failed to live up to their expectations but I know I've did my best and this is enough. I'll change their mindset if they can't change their attitude. Time will prove and prevail everything. They might not be proud of me but I'll always be proud to be their daughter. I give thanks somehow. Even though he still scold me out of nothing nowadays and blame me for being irresponsible on the things I'm not related to, I pretend that I don't care. Though I will weep inside my blanket in the middle of the night, I feel it's alright. There's no point adding sorrows to their lives,they're old and I don't wanna feel sorry or regret if anything bad happens. And I'm not trying to be angelic or pretend to be filial. I meant what I said. They have their equal right to voice out their opinion too, though it may be a little vulgar and wrong in the perception, just let it be, take it as a random rant, pretend that they're mumbling, grumbling or babbling,whatever that makes you feel better. We, the younger generation are pretty good at that, aren't we? Just practice that skill,it does helps. Cherish the bond you have with them...it's hard but you'll find miracles in it sooner or later. At least it works on me.

Best of Lucks.

♥G

♥

Would it be beautiful or just a beautiful disaster?

♥miley ain't a skank

I wonder why so many people just can't stop bitching about miley. Neither am I a great fan of her nor I'm a hater. I'm just trying to express my notions here. I do like her songs anyway. And I don't see anything wrong with her newest MV. She's not trying to be mature, she's trying to grow up. Who doesn't grow up here? We can't be a kid forever. I've seen many girls of her age dressed in a more sluttish way, but that doesn't make them a whore though, or does it? Moreover, she's not the one who choreographed all the steps for the MV and suggest to move her hips like that. Don't put the blame on a 16 year-old! She's a celebrity and although she's a teenager, she's aware of what she's doing. She had chosen this path but that doesn't mean she can't live like a normal teenage girl. Would you guys ever care if she's not famous? Who are you to comment about her deeds?Seriously if you can't think, go and bang yourself. Give her a break you people and leave her alone! Don't simply judge people because you're not living their life. Go on attack somebody else if you're that free, terrorists might love getting your attention! I supposed lame people never reflected themselves in front of the mirror before starting to bitch about others, that's aggrieving!!!

p/s : miley girl, just do as you like cause many people who are hating you have done it as well.

♥G

♥friends

Define f.r.i.e.n.d.s.

Not everyone worth your trust, dear...

Don't live in denial~

♥

Loathe to wake up early in the morning to have dim sum with family and relatives. I knew I'd get a long lecture from parents if I'm late. So I ring my couz to wait for me. Since she's the organizer, no one will blame her,haa. I'm safe for another day ^^

I didn't really took much notice to their talking, not that I'm the bride wannabe anyway. Neither will I ever understand why the elders can spend hours discussing the issue of marriage. It seems like they got much excited over my couz. All I know is the shark fin soup taste heavenly great.sheesh~

Around noon, couz and her fiance drove me to JJ and meet him. So the four of us had lunch together. We went there mainly because the couple wanna shop for something nice and cheap to decorate their newly furnished house. But what they bought was just merely kitchenware...now I realize those pans and pots and plates can use for decoration purpose,hmm...such a wonder! Seriously, Ipoh is a superly dull place. It's more or less like a dead town. Me and him scrolled shops to shops, even went to MNG and Vincci, no hope still!

Reached home around 4 something. Went on9 for awhile and have a great chat with my dear in MSN. Not long after that, mom nagged me to shower and get dressed up because there's a dinner date with Uncle Dave's family. I was forced to eat a lot by parents, I blame this on the relatives cause they said I'm too skinny. Total bullshit but thanks to them, now I get to eat really nice foods, dad thought I'm malnutrition though, and make me take enough fruits everyday. Sigh! Will upload those food pichas during spare time, I'm a tad sleepy now. Nitez everyone.

♥

Gee, I had a rough time today...Will be tutoring my brother for a week due to PMR *tiresome*

We had maths today. He asked for my answer for every single questions inside the past years' worksheets without trying to solve the calculations by himself first! WTF~ Not gonna spoon-fed him, haa...I showed him how to do it step by step and asked him to calculate another similar question on his own. To my dismay, he can't even express one simple equation and he told me the maths teacher never taught them trigonometry...*speechless* I was so pissed and when I turned to him I sprained my neck accidentally! Ahh~ seems like it's impossible for him to score A for maths *sigh*

Ariel came by today to help mom, ryn and me for a hair treatment and spa therapy. Felt much better after that short session. I spent some time editing my picha during the afternoon and search for images of the dress I want thru the net so my dear can take it as reference *lol*

I'm so uber broke nowadays, and being negligent is what I'm lately. Not feeling very productive maybe because I enjoy slacking around. Went to sleep straightaway after my dinner cause it's my brother's turn to surf the net. Received 3 calls and several messages during my beauty nap.

Among the calls was this journalist from one local magazine...I'm still considering whether or not to accept their interview. Gosh, I wish I've got more time.

Anyway, just a quickie, I might be going to Penang with couz for a one-day "makan" trip,haa...yet to confirmed but yea, we'll see.

* Home-sweet-home*

Finally back to hometown...

Fall sick right after finished my exams and urged by parents to go home immediately to celebrate birthday as well as moonfest...

Was indeed a bad news I can't have a short trip to KL *sobs*

I do have alot of stuffs to blog about but my brain cells are not functioning well.

Dunno why I tend to think better when I'm lying on the bed with lights switched off.The moment I wanna jot it down in my notebook or start the pc,everything's just completely gone...How I hate my brain! Gonna change the template soon,so stay tuned for more updates =)

Just gimme a half-day's time and it will be done.

xoxo

Hey folks,my blog is not dead,lol...
I did not abandoned my blog...
It's just a temporary deactivation...
Cause it's FINAL again...
Time to rest more and play less...^^
Wouldn't be online that often...
Nag me to study if any of you saw me wandering in FB,lol...
All the best to those who're having exam soon...
xoxo...

Just to share a song I like recently by Secondhand Serenade-Your Call

Waiting for your call, I'm sick, call I'm angry
call I'm desperate for your voice
Listening to the song we used to sing
In the car, do you remember
Butterfly, Early Summer
It's playing on repeat, Just like when we would meet
Like when we would meet

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

Stripped and polished, I am new, I am fresh
I am feeling so ambitious, you and me, flesh to flesh
Cause every breath that you will take
when you are sitting next to me
will bring life into my deepest hopes, What's your fantasy?
(What's your, what's your, what's your...)

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

And I'm tired of being all alone, and this solitary moment makes me want to come back home
x4
(I know everything you wanted isn't anything you have)

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight
(I know everything you wanted isn't anything you have)

♥害怕个什么丫

突然有种不安，
害怕，
你也会和他们一样，
有一天离我而去。。。

你在孤單的時候，
給我最好的安穩，
习惯有你的陪伴，
原来是因为我不能没有你。。。

有時候怕傷害反而是種更大的傷害,
但是我不明白的是我到底在害怕什麼，
是害怕失去了什麼，
還是害怕自己突然間的一無所有。。。

太多的未知數讓我有點招架不住


[我想和你去一趟台湾，怎样？]

Sometimes I love being who I am,no more no less but sometimes something happens...and I hate my life!
My mom is soooooo interesting with my boyfriend,she keeps calling me every now and then to make sure we're cool.Poor ken,he has to...like...accompany my mom 24/7 wherever she goes,just because her own daughter,me has no time to go back epoh.
Apparently dad doesn't fancy him much,the reasons???
1)His style is too trendy for a student...see,told ya not to dye your hair that often!!!
2)He is not fluent enough in English which annoyed daddy a lot...there's no common language between them *sigh* I personally think that he's just scared of daddy...
3)When he's under pressure,he smokes. And I don't get it here,coz daddy smokes too...is there a difference?
4)Dad's potential son-in-law must be either a lawyer,doctor or engineer...not a model...duh!

and the list shall goes on,I think.blablabla...

Enough stories,back to the reality...
I should have finished worrying about my presentation thingy today but there's always surprises in my life...one of my group mates losses her voice...so postpone loh *long sigh*
Anyway,gonna go back this weekend to pak toh,settle some stuff,appointment with my dentist,meet up with my besties and cut my hair...hohoho,a new hairstyle for me!!!
Miss Starbucks,miss McD,miss shopping,miss cinema...miss everything that makes me happy XD

♥输了

我要的不是名分
我要的不是金钱
我不敢奢望什么,

说好的怎么现在反悔了
你又再想她了
不是答应过自己么
为什么最终还是选择了骗我...

我
终于知道什么是彻底的心痛了
賭上全部的
後來還是全輸掉了
是不是我太傻了?




楷，我无法强迫你去忘记你和她之间的回忆，可是都已经三年了，我更无法接受你带着牵挂别人的心和我“名义”上的走在一起。我知道我这么做是很自私，也许就如你所说的，我根本就不懂为何我要妥协在这游戏的规矩。

你和彦说过的，这次换我说给你听
假久了就變真的,是因為身不由己。

我们都输了
如果說愛情是一場旅行
那我們旅行的目地會是哪裡
為什麼旅行的途中,我們遇到什麼
就要相信什麼？

♥Hiatus

Sorry for the hiatus guys...I'm a bit slacking over here,don't quite have the passion to blog lately.Life is just too busy,24 hours a day ain't sufficient for me!!!Can I ever make it to year 3?It's getting harder and tougher,f**k!Life is not life anymore,drag me to hell.
It's summertime again,movies is in line,megasales is already happening and I'm still here...in kampar!Sigh,just undergone 3 tests there's still 2 to go,6 assignments to hand in end of this month,3 presentations and 5 exams to be done before my birthday.WTF!
Btw,I catched a cold and am still recovering now.It's all because of those stupid tests,resulting endless insomnia for me.Miss my darling so much =( Anyway,the good news is Poppy is going to KL this coming saturday with dear and nana*wink*...weee!!!
Am enjoying every bit of moments while I'm still capable of doing so.No one knows whether I can still laugh out loud when the final exams draw near.I'm already in the edge of frustration.I wanna do things I like but always end up doing things that I hate.Is it because of the challenge?I tend to pick up the hard job ya know.That explain why my life sucks till the max.
I'm browsing pages of my old schoolmates in FB few hours ago.Honestly,I envy them,might not be all but certainly most of them.Once again I feel like a loser.I don't lead a carefree life,neither am I graduated from a prestigious varsity nor succeeded in a certain field.How I miss my old life!
Luckily I still have a great boyfriend to be proud of,love you much my darling ♥
Guess I will put a stop here,don't feel like writing actually,not motivated at all...and coughing badly,no worries,it's not HINI!

Love life and life will love you back.
Love people and they will love you back.
true?nope...I doubt it.
♥G

♥Truth hurt

Am having insomnia again...Can't believe that I just had my super late supper @ super early breakfast!The massive headache is killing me...One of my friends was chatting with me yesterday night,we talked about life...and she described it in a word:awesome...-.- when she asked me how's mine,I replied:awful...truthfully,great things will never happened in my life,okay,maybe it does,just seldom!If chocolate is bittersweet,I 'll always get to taste the bitterness,If there's up and down for roller-coaster,then I'll always stay at down there.Hurt,ain't it?
I know it sounds stupid but I do cry in the middle of the night and covered my teary face with my teddy,and I cried damn lot!That could explain on why my eyes always seem swollen...-.- I could not tell anyone about my grief,there's no way better than crying in my sleep.Sometimes,friends cannot be counted on.They might betray us,they might turn their head away when you need help...Human cannot be trusted at all...sigh!
And so I'm almost in the dead end now...Oh Jesus,needs help seriously,do rescue me...

Never let life's hardships disturb you ...
no one can avoid problems,
not even saints or sages.
♥G

♥Rant...again

Honestly,I was taken aback by an incident happened on my dear.Why on earth would someone be so childish and idiotic eh?It's just a minor offence,or perhaps it wasn't even a kind of offence anyway.So,here's the story goes,my dear has several contact number and there's this one number that hasn't been in use for a year,and hence it's in inactive state now for sure,eventually the communication provider has sold this particular number to another person.And the problems came,my dear forgotten to acknowledge all her friends about this matter since not much of her classmates know about this un-used number and everyone know that her main contact is the other number.She's obviously unaware of this thing untill today.Because a victim wants too break off their friendship,and she get a hint of what happenned on that split second.
That victim received a vulgar message few days ago after sending my dear a message to inform her that the victim herself is not going to campus the next morning,the victim used to fetch my dear to campus most of the time because they are classmates.Apparently the victim send that message to all my dear's contact number.And so she got it from the current owner for my dear's previous number.
To make the matter worse,the victim insisted that my dear abuse her verbally,I mean c'mon la,you didn't even bother to even suspicious of that matter,or try to interrogate what actually happens!!!And you both have been friends for more than a year,yet you don't trust her characteristic or give her a chance to explain things up or proof that she's innocent,at least let her talk things through!!!It was just that two words " FUCK YOU" and dare I say,did that message kill you,MISS???YOU should be tagged of the Hyper Drama Queen!!!You tell people who are close to you and words SPREAD you know???I bet you don't know because you are DUMB!Those who are consent about this matter and never let the person slandered (I mean my dear) know about this is totally asshole and lame!!!You guys don't deserved to be called friends at all!!!
My dear cried non-stop once she stepped into her room.We advice her to call the network provider to check the message transaction.Initially,she thought someone use her 016 to prank that victim,but it turn out that it's wrong.Because the phone has no credit by last week and she haven't reload anyway,the network provider also proved that there isn't any message transaction on that particular day.
That's driving us up the wall you know???Cause that so-called victim didn't bother to reveal which number it actually is,my dear confronted most of her friends and tried so hard to make them convince that victim to unveil the whole thing.She even call her herself to explain she didn't do it!Guess what,that victim scolded my dear and said : why don't you just apologize??It's just that simple,why are you so dumb?You don't have to explain anything or proof that you're innocent!There's no use.It has too much coincidence and I won't believe you!I don't care about this but if you apologize I won't talk about this matter anymore.........
When my dear know which number it was,she called the concerned network provider and found out that a malay girl has bought that number for her boyfriend.Since that victim doesn't give a damn,my dear call the number and talk with the owner.It happens that the new owner received plenty of messages and calls from unknown people,which are my dear's friends,he got annoyed so when that victim messaged him that night,the new owner replied with vulgar words.
I know my dear has done a stupid mistake by forgetting to inform her friends about the change of numbers.But hey,everyone knew she uses which number now!!!Where's your common sense???She had apologize and will apologize again and again and again!!!Why wouldn't you believe your friend?There's enough evidence!!!Why are you still acting up like a 3 year-old???This is truly ridiculous...I will never understand why you behave in such a barbarian manner!She's not the one who send it,and she didn't meant to make this happenned!!!Are you really a GROWN UP?This kind of things happen most of the time on everyone,why are you taking it so seriously like you'll die if you saw that F word??WAKE UP la...she tried so hard to explain to you because she still treasure and cherish the friendship!!!Why you don't even bother to care since she already clarified to the whole world??She has been slandered badly,do you realize this has been ruining her reputation and will affect her life???She's afraid of going for classes now...and are you happy now???Face the wall and think deeply,VICTIM!!!
If you still think that she must be punished in this way for 'offending' you,let me make my words clear,you deserved to be fuck over twice as bad!!!Cheapskate...

Choose your friends carefully you never know who is on your side,
and remember the truth shall prevail...
♥G

♥viva la familia

At last I watched Angels & Demons,a great flick indeed...time flies...now it's sunday morning...Happy Father's Day to all daddys in the world =]
Hate the feel that Monday is coming again...There's just too much pressure I need to cope with!Honestly I never wanted a degree from local varsities,neither public nor private U.I never liked it here...don't get me wrong,I love malaysia but not the malaysian style academic.But I have no choice as my parents urged me to stay.
See,the way the admin. staff handle things in UTAR absolutely sucks!!!They dunno how to differentiate URGENT and UNIMPORTANT...wtf...I bet there're students who felt the same way I did...the bus schedule,the timetable,the cafeteria,the faculty management...it's all CRAP!!!If time can ever turn backward,I'd wanna change alot of things in my life...
I miss my childhood,I miss my secondary school life,I miss my carefree days,I miss everything in the city too...and I miss my families whole damn lot...*hugs* I love you guys =) Daddy and mommy,Please forgive me for being unfilial,stubborn,bad-tempered and all my wrongdoings during all these years.I never meant to bring a string of heartaches to both of you...Sorry for not being there with the family when you guys needed me most!I really care and love the family,you guys mean alot to me!!!*kisses*

craving for foods again...
miss mamak...
miss roti planta and teh ais...
I pray to god:Please bless my families with good health and strong will...
♥G

♥My rant

Slept at 7am sharp and woke up at 2 something in the afternoon...I was actually wondering what's with the blissful chit-chatting voices came thundering from the room adjacent to mine...Due to the curiosity and the need of gossiping,I can't believe that I actually sacrificed my own beauty sleep...*slap myself*
What to do?I interrupted my own sleep,can only blame myself cuz I asked for it.Unable to continue the sleep once I'm awaken...*pfft*So I have lunch after a nice warm shower...watched an episode of a dunno-what-title chinese drama while munching on the chicken...weeeee...
Just realized that I sort of neglected my reading habit for quite sometimes hehz...darl,where's my twilight saga as you've promised to find for me ages ago??Better be fast or I'll woop your ass...lolz
It's already half past five now...and today is saturday,I can't wait to watch my favourite astro programme...lolz...Support him fully,woohoo...Really hope he can win the title back!*finger-crossed*
Hmm...it's weird it's too quiet,thou I finally have a peace of mind but still,I miss their voices...lmao...two were back to their respective hometown and the other went for 'massive-dating' in Epoh...hahahaha...and my best partner is sleeping soundly like a pig in infront of me...swt...
I suddenly remembered that I was cheesed off by a call...erm,not one but several by the same person....this early morning!I think I was just started to sleep that time,and he called and called and called...non-stop!!!Initially I ignored it,then I set the phone to silent mode but he kept calling and calling,WTF...My hp kept vibrating on the desk!I guess he will never knew that hp can be used for texting too...@$%#&&%!#&@$%...At last,I picked up the call cuz seriously I can't tolerate with the abusive disturbance anymore...So I shoot that son of bitch like hell after he said hello...I'll never pity him!He's calling to remind me of handing up a singing contest form,and according to the stated rules,the form can be submitted the day before the contest,which means next saturday!!!I have no idea why he's soooo nervous about it...It's his gf who handed me the form weeks ago,and the form was actually ragged in shape =.= And she told me that he's one of the authorities,now I'm starting to doubt it.For I don't even know her that well,she's barely the friend of my friend at first,I knew her not more than 3 weeks and we only met once for dinner...
I know alot of people are trying to dig my secret,let me clarify this,I have no secrets at all,it was you stupid guys who believe what rumours had on me,and that's certainly not true,I am who I am and I acted in the way I like and live the life I wanted.Whether I like to conceal myself or not,that's none of your business,get a life plz!!!Take me as I am cuz that girl will remain mystery,and she'll made it to history someday...

Leave her alone,don't mess with her life...
She will never forget and forgive those who hurt her...
She's not fake,She's mean...
she's ME...
♥G

♥Lost

It's over 5am now ,and I can' t sleep again...Sipping my cup of mocha,drifting my mind away...I had only one meal yesterday...YES...only one meal and I'm damn hungry right now,it's all because I was sooo pissed off with my darl and at last ended up in a fierce fight...oh my wrists were badly wounded too...I was freakin in rage by then so I felt no appetite at all...but everything is alright now!We're back together and cool with each other...I think he is pretty clear about the 'rules and boundaries' NOW...dun cha ever mess with me anymore...I won't forgive you the next time you did it again...
I don't wanna blog about the sad things cuz I only wanna remember the happy memories...So no more solemn stories here...booo...but there's not even one happy thingy happenned yesterday...wth...unless meeting up with A and prove that his eyebrow is sooo actually reddish for real...lmao...did that counted as happy news,nope?hehz...
Sometimes I envy my friends,I know I'm not a beauty material,but it kinda lowered down my self-esteem when they're surrounded by guys while I'm not...why am I always in the middle of the same-sex group?blaah...I'm not that unattractive anyway...maybe I'm too cool for them eh?
Thou I'm not that desperately in search of a boy,a prince,a potential husband or whatever you wanna call it,I'd like to feel that I am loved by someone...and not by girls!!!I have had enough of admirations from girls and totally freak out by it now...
Hey crushers,please do let me know if you're hooked up to me...weeeeee...=)
Think I gotta get myself a new organiser,I've been so lazy lately I'm not following the flow of my plan...ish ish...really worried about the progress of my stupid assignments...worried about my mid-term,my presentations,the interviews,my final,my future,my life...arghhh...Everything sorta get on my nerves and I need to crave for desserts to de-stressed myself...*mooch*
Am I actually thinking too much???shall I just leave my destiny to god???I'm lost...

miss you much =]
♥G

♥Too much

There's too much things to forget and I'm always worrying the little things that I need to remember most are starting to fade away...I hate my current life,I'm in deep shit and I can't pull myself out of this miseries!I miss my old life,I want my old-self back!Every bit of seconds is making me crazy,there's too much things to do,and I'm lack of initiative and motivation to do what I once love...My mind is in a frequent chaotic state...not knowing what I'm doing most of the time.That girl gone blurred...

i still lurve you =]
♥G